The nuance of Generator response

I’ve been in my experiment for several years now, well past the halfway mark of the initial 7-year deconditioning cycle, and I’m noticing the finer points of how the Sacral actually works.

I’m Feeling Cognition, which means that I’m very sensitive to the energetics of a situation. I work through cycles, and it’s a Solar Plexus-oriented intelligence. Even though my Solar Plexus is completely open, my primary radar is attuned through the neural gut.

As a non-emotional, I have experienced a few of the “Sacral stones” that Ra referred to … major, path-altering decisions that were so clear and fundamental to me. These were the anvils dropped on my head. No doubt, no ambiguity, no hesitation. I encountered my truth and there was no possibility of ignoring it. I love these!

For all of the other stuff, Generators are dealing with the conditioned mind more often than the other Types. Because we’re continually in response to the world around us, our conditioned minds are always being activated. To me, it manifests as anxiety (I carry a ton of logical definition which is relentlessly assessing and questioning the pattern). Feeling Cognition is often very subtle (to me), and if I’m stuck in my head I can easily lose the nuance of the message.

So, I like to stockpile evidence. For those of you who are working with living this and don’t have questions being asked to you all day long, I offer some of my examples as ways I’ve been guided even when by myself.

I’m being moved along a path of making a big change in my life. I asked for a meeting to go over some options. A video call was scheduled but the host never showed. I had stress around this because it’s for a big decision and I am figuring this out as I go (I’m a 3/5 Martyr/Heretic).

Because I’m aware of a clock ticking on this topic, I was having a lot of mind noise about hurrying to reschedule, to find a different location, to ask for other recommendations. I wanted to have this checked off my list so that my mind could relax (trap!!!).

I checked in with my body. As I opened my calendar to create a new appointment, I couldn’t feel any energy moving. It felt dead, like there was no life there. Then, I was curious (and very mentally stubborn). I made the appointment anyway but I didn’t feel great about it.

Ten minutes later, the person who was supposed to have shown for the original meeting phoned to tell me that she didn’t offer that particular service and gave me a referral.

I understood why it didn’t feel like there was life along that decision point. As she gave me the new name, I felt into my body again. Nothing moved. I wrote it down, but I didn’t do anything with it. I wasn’t interested. And, that person never followed up.

Instead, I felt into where there was some energy. A different option in a part of the city I prefer felt like it had some life. I made that appointment. And then I relaxed about it. That is so key. I hadn’t been relaxed all along.

That particular person called me bright and early the morning of the appointment and let me know that she didn’t offer that type of service but that she would refer to me to the person who did. Similar situation to before, except this gal was proactively on the ball and it felt free and easy.

I thought this would be an even better way to test my Sacral. I was in a very similar situation to the first time but I didn’t have mind noise about it. Instead of rushing to create a new appointment or make a phone call, I wrote it down, I finished my morning yoga, and I waited. That new person called me later that morning and was exactly what I needed.

A Martyr/Heretic may never have an easy approach Sacrally. It may be normal for me to move through the ways that don’t work (I’m also Cross of Service with 18/58’s perfecting energy). But, I made that process harder than it needed to be by worrying about it and by not trusting that I was already drawing what I needed.

Let’s unpack this a bit in the context of analysis.

Generators aren’t supposed to initiate. We hear that refrain ad nauseam. One of the things Ra talked about is that Generators generate mind noise as much as we generate the Sacral pattern. Things are always moving through. It doesn’t mean you never pick up the phone to call someone.

(Although, in the very beginning, it can be helpful to back off on this so that you can see how often you rush to do these things without feeling guided, and so that you can give yourself a chance to witness just how much life your Sacral can draw toward you without you having to try so hard.)

You just won’t know if it’s right for you until you meet it and have the opportunity to respond. That’s when you’re making a decision rather than operating on a conditioned reaction.

I took it further. I’m a Martyr/Heretic, but underneath that Heretic is a 4th Color which means my brain/body system works through connection. Basically, I’m wired for strangers, but it feels best to me when they come through a network. I’ve found this tends to display as word-of-mouth referrals. I love when my clients come to me that way, and I love becoming a client that way. The weirder, the better. Then, I really see the magic of how synchronicities line us up.

When I had the meeting with the person who was the expert I needed, I asked if he had any recommendations for this next phase of my journey. He had three. He had great reasons for all of them, but one had more life. I could feel the energy moving there.

I reached out to her and then I waited. She responded very quickly and I knew I liked her right away. The energy of the email communication felt good. Meeting her in person felt good. Becoming her client felt good.

I was in a similar process a couple of weeks ago except that I couldn’t relax. I was worried about the consequences of being that person’s client, I was worried about meeting them. It just felt wrong. When I pushed myself to make that decision because a clock was ticking and I was afraid an opportunity would pass me by, it would wake me up in the middle of the night. I’m still not comfortable with any of it.

Same situation of becoming someone’s client except that I was in complete flow with one and forcing myself with the other. Even though on the surface, both are professional and appropriate and check all the boxes, I have life with one and discomfort with the other.

This is not an indictment. It does not mean anything is wrong with that other person or they wouldn’t do a wonderful job. It tells me that I’ll be led to the wrong places and the wrong decision points because I’m out of my flow. I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable being myself. There was resistance.

Another one.

You all know I’m crazy about Human Design. I wanted to take it deeper by learning more about the astrological underpinnings. A couple of years ago, I met my astrology teachers in a weird roundabout way (which I loved). They’ve offered specialized trainings after we went through the basics. I’ve felt a big yes to everything they’ve offered.

A few months ago, they teed up the 2026 calendar. I didn’t get my big yes and I didn’t understand why. I love them. I have consistently been satisfied and fulfilled by learning with them and by the beautiful, nurturing group they have created. It made no sense to my mind as to why my Sacral wasn’t lighting up to have a plan for 2026. I’m Mountains after all, we’re lifelong learners, and I love to learn in groups. Why?

I thought maybe my Sacral was taking a nap or something. I let my mind rule me because I was afraid I’d fall out of sync with the group. I indicated my interest and then I set it aside. Then, this most recent development in my life occurred and I realize that I won’t have the bandwidth.

In my foundations classes, I remember asking my teacher about how the Sacral would work to sign on for a course. Like, seriously, my Sacral knows about committing to something over a long period of time just as well as it does whether I want to have tea with a friend? She said yes. Back then, that kind of free-flowing magic felt unattainable. I thought it was b-s, but I also yearned for it … to be in flow, to trust myself, to walk the path that is mine to walk, to feel held by the Universe.

And yet, here I am living it. It hasn’t been easy. I have “stalked my mind,” as the Toltecs say. Sometimes, I intentionally don’t listen to my body because I’m testing it. I have yet to come across a situation where my Sacral was wrong. And, I’m really starting to get just how far-reaching its effects are.

I love this kind boots-on-the-ground experimenting. What’s it like to really live this knowledge? My Heretic practicality is a mainstay of what I offer in the world. It has to be workable. I can tell you about my experiences. I can offer guidance. But, we have to live this in the way that’s right for each of us.

Maybe other Generators will come to this and have an easier time. That was probably never going to be how it worked for me. I was always going to have to test this out (btw, 3/5s are Ra’s recommendation to see if a theory holds water). As a Quad Right with a completely open Heart/Ego and Solar Plexus, there was a great amount of sludge to de-gunk from my aura. PHS was essential for me.

And then there’s trust. I’ve had a lot going on this holiday season. I can tell that my body needs a quiet day at home with my dog. Even though there is a ton to do and I could let my Gate 34 run me ragged, sitting quietly here at my computer telling the story of my experiences (which also helps me process them) and giving myself time to rest is just as important as any of the major things I could get accomplished if I forced myself. That’s its own type of response. I’m following where my energy is leading me.

Human Design is all about geometry. We’re all objects in motion. Are you on your track or far off base and wasting effort by running counter to your nature? (The Line by Lara Jo is a great read on this topic.)

I am designed to let things come to me. That’s what I yearn for anyway. Why spend so much time pretending otherwise?

I sat with my favorite person over the holidays and told him, “I’ve been uptight most of my life.” He nodded his head. I said, “I’ve had enough of that now.” He told me, “Good. It’s exhausting anyway.”

I can feel this younger, more playful, more trusting version of myself being born. I’m still Jennifer Grace. But, I’m also Jennie inside. Sometimes I’m Jenn to people who’ve known me a long time. Others, it’s just Jennifer.

When I feel into these identities, it feels like making space to respond in different ways to what life is offering. When I choose to use metallics in my artwork because I love shimmering and sparkling things, I’m saying yes to life. When I see hearts as my sign from the Universe, I’m receiving the wink that says I’m being taken care of. When it’s time to channel, I’m the High Priestess I was called to be.

All of those things are part of me. It’s only stressful when I think I have to be one of them all the time and rigidly construct an identity to hold them. When I trust that the right thing will be drawn from me at the right time based on what the person in front of me can receive and hold, then, well then, I can finally relax.

I was with a very talented astrologer/healer/channeler this week. I knew I was called to her but I didn’t know what the context would be. She not only very generously gifted me the session, but also told me she would be here for me as I move into this higher soul work. A really big part of me unclenched. I felt seen and safe and loved. It is yet another way the Universe is holding me.

My Sacral drew that just like it’s drawing everything else. This magic is all around each and everyone of us. I am figuring out my part of it, just like you have your own special way.

Shine on,

Jennifer (Jennie) Grace